“It has been one year since I left. One year since pride took hold of my heart, and made  me  see  what wasn’t  there; made me  blind  to what was.  The  layer  that  is  vanity  that surrounds  my  heart  has  finally  begun  to  thaw,  and  I  now  realize  that  my  one  grave  mistake may haunt me until the end of time. Spokes of the hardest metal and the sharpest  of  steel  bite  into my conscience as  I begin  to  feel  the effects of my darkest deed.  I ask myself, what have I done? What in heaven’s name made me do this one thing so dark and  unthinkable  that  even  now,  one  year  later,  standing  bathed  in  sunlight  of  the  brightest  gold, I still feel darkness enveloping me? You played no part in this, although I made you think so.  I cringe to recall now how manipulative and deceiving I was back then. How innocent you were, how you played right into my trap, and I caught you in it. How wide eyed   you were; completely caught off guard. And  then,  how  I  saw,  slowly, with  evil  satisfaction,  the  light  disappear  from  your  eyes,  and  you  were  lost  from  me  forever.    
I  buried  you  in my heart,  and  you were  lost  in  the  random  graveyard  of memories we  each have and try  to forget.  I was pleased then. I was so powerful at that time, and you were so weak. You had lost a battle I had planned from the beginning, a war you never knew was coming.    

The sunlight ripples on my fingers. Delicate, slender fingers, which caressed you in the darkest corners of the night. Fingers that knew you, fingers that loved you. Fingers that uncovered secrets between us that we knew were forbidden, but the savoir of its fruit was much enjoyed between us.  I remember your face. Your striking silhouette bathed in the devil’s moonlight. Your  slender  frame  complimenting mine  as we  entwined  our  souls  together in eternity.    

You were perfect, and you loved me.    

I  had  never  given  it  a  second  thought  until  now. Now that the memories have come creeping back like night crawlers from the grave to tease and torture me so. Elements that reek of your essence surround me and remind me of a ghastly deed I know there is no turning back to.    

Time. It is something we each strive to conquer, and fall gasping in the process. I could have taken you back, when you were still hurting, blindly groping your way in the dark. I could have taken your hand and led you into my embrace. You would have forgiven all then; you would have ascertained it an act of insanity and buried it. So full of ego was I.  Now it is I that am found wanting. You have found your way out of the nightmare; such is the transit between the sleeping realm and awakening to find yourself safe in a warm bed. It was a bad dream after all.    

So you have found your way into the sun. The vanguards of heaven took a hold of you, took pity on your face, so youthful in appearance, and comforted you with the finest of linen. You were mournful at first, but then, love once again swelled in your heart, and all evil things were forgotten. True lovers will always love again. You ceased to remember all that had passed. You ceased to remember past deeds. You ceased to remember me.    

The sun is warm, but I feel not is love.  I no longer deserve love, in any form. Lovers cross my pass, and I must lower my eyes. It is a dance I can no longer follow. The brook laughs and plays a happy tune, but I am not akin to its mirth.  I am destined to follow a more lonely, desolate path. I am unseen by the world. Those that I hold dear to me will not see me in this state. I am better off a wraith of this world, for no other world will have me.    

I look up into the sun and I can see you. You are looking down on me, but though my heart cries with joy at the thought of it, I know it in the deepest chasm of my heart; you cannot see me. You were blind to me the day they led you out of the forest, the day your heart was closed to all things evil. It is a futile thought, issuing from a heart that has beat in sorrow the day you closed your eyes on me.